Emotional Maturity

I often hear people say that they want a partner who is emotionally available. It struck me recently that that doesn’t really help people define what they want in terms of someone’s emotional disposition. What I’ve been saying to my clients is that it’s not so much that they want someone who is emotionally available; they want someone who is  emotionally mature. Just about anybody is emotionally available. Unless someone is on serious antidepressants, just about anyone can access their emotions, from jubilant to outrage, most people can access them in some way or another. Someone who inappropriately dumps their anger is still emotionally available.

But what is emotionally mature? Interesting question! The way I would describe emotionally mature would be someone who has looked at their selfish behavior and realized they want to do it differently. We’ve all seen a two-year old in action when they discover the word me. There is a certain selfishness that arises at an early age and it creates a sort of self-cherishing in the mind. Life circumstances and the people who guide us through childhood and beyond, play a big part in whether someone grows out of that self-centeredness. If we look at the world the way it is today, we can see that there is a level of self-interest that has caused a lot of suffering.

I believe evolving to emotional maturity is to grow up and make a contribution. What is your inborn gift? What is it that you have come here to do that will leave the world a better place than when you arrive? This is emotional maturity. Are you finding that you’re too often tight, closed, cold and protected? An emotionally mature person seeks the wide open heart that connects to all beings.