Self Disclosure

Self disclosure is an important element in the language of intimacy. If you are willing to share both your pain and your pleasure, happiness and sorrow, disappointments and celebration, then you are living an authentic life. I recently worked with a couple Sophia and Zach, who when I first met them, seemed to be in an ideal relationship.  They made eye contact, they held hands, they spoke lovingly with each other and held their relationship as a great treasure.

Sophia had been experiencing recurring anxiety and found herself distancing from Zach. As we explored their childhood history, it became clear that there was a memory haunting her that was directly related to her parents. She said she didn’t remember her parents ever sleeping in the same room. And she was petrified that she would wind up like them.

She was afraid of being trapped in her relationship if she trusted too much. There was no reason to believe that her relationship with Zach would replicate the behaviors of her parents but she needed to voice her fear just to get it out of her system. I asked Zach how he felt about this. He said to Sophia, “I love all of you, your past, your present and our future. I don’t want you to hold anything back. I want you to feel free to be exactly who you are, moment to moment.”

Sophia let out a sigh of relief and said, “I think I am ready to leave the past in the past.”