Going on a Date? Be Ordinary

We meet someone and the chemicals get going.  Attraction is a largely chemical response. In our minds we often project into the future how this person might play out as a long-term partner. We start imagining fireworks. Once, when I got too serious too soon, a friend looked at me and said, “Easy, Tiger.” I got the message: slow down.  In the beginning, take it easy. Relax, enjoy yourself and get to know your date as another human being.

Here’s a new dating strategy: be ordinary.  Instead of springing questions over dinner about spiritual values, deep philosophical subjects, psychotherapy, dysfunctional family traumas, just be ordinary.

What does ordinary look like?  Well, on the first couple of dates, get some simple background information. Ask questions like: “Where were you born?  What was it like growing up in your hometown?  Do you have brothers and sisters?  Cousins?  Are you close to any of them?  Where do they live and what are they involved in?  Where have you traveled to?  What line of work do you do?  Do you have any hobbies?  What are they?  Who’s your closest friend? What’s your favorite food?  Favorite restaurants?”  Go to a park or a museum instead of a movie and keep the conversation going.  See if it flows. If it doesn’t, you may just feel uncomfortable.  Be with the discomfort but don’t attribute it to the other person. See what the silence brings.

Talking, silence, and everything in between is our human togetherness. Don’t hurry to figure it out right away.  Getting to REALLY know someone requires time and patience, but mostly patience with yourself. With such patience, the most ordinary date can be extraordinary.