Q & A With Miranda

Question: If you have been single for a while and despair of ever meeting Mr or Mrs Right what advice would you give to somebody who has been single for a long time but wants to be in a relationship?

You firstly need to be committed to your own life and living it with depth in the direction that is authentic for you. 
Being single means that you have a lot more time to get your life the way you want it spiritually, psychologically physically so that you are not waiting around for whoever comes along to make it right.

The second thing is that I find that it is helpful to do a bit of a self assessment about what your deepest values are. Intimate relationships flow more smoothly from a clear base; in that when you are clear about what is most valuable to you and you hook up with someone whose life goals are, at least, in alignment or complimentary to yours.  It seems really basic but if your core values are opposing this cause problems that will in the long term be difficult to resolve.

When I was single pondering my relational life, I began to write a list. I know a lot of people write a list of ‘my perfect partner shopping list’. My list was more of a self reflection, a reviewing of what I had to bring to a relationship. I meditated on all of the dimensions in which I know that I can show up for – what I know I can bring to someone – without editing anything. This helped me get clear on what I was really interested in with regards to relationship, what I saw in this process, was that primary for me is wanting someone who could really match me in most of the areas in which I show up in, fundamentally, someone who could really be my equal, someone who was capable, wanting and willing to meet in the depths. Someone that was primarily interested in deep and multi-dimensional liberation.

It was really great to look at that and name the specifics and identify what I could say a full YES to, and where I would not settle. This self review was an amazing and positive process in reviewing what was most important to me and what I had to give, and where exactly I wanted to meet and be met. Additionally, to see my areas of under-development, own those and commit to not expect anyone else to rescue me from anything I was not willing to handle myself. When we genuinely commit to ourselves and do not unconsciously ask another to fix something for us, we are in genuinely free to choose a partner not because we are afraid to be alone, or because we need someone to shelter a particular vulnerability, but because we are inspired by their soul, feel it feeds and matches ours, and step into relationships with greater maturity and depth.

It was incredibly useful in a very wholesome way. Interestingly, within six weeks of writing that list I met Bob who turned out to be an extraordinary fulfilment of that list.  We been enjoying a very profound connection over the past 20 months, and it is taking me into deeper realms than those I have been able to go before. It is beautiful, challenging and a real support to my ongoing liberation and awareness of what truly helps us all to live real love. 

 
It requires all of us to have an in depth self knowledge to start with  - I speak this to communicate loudly that this workshop is a wonderful place for single people to come and explore their relationship and soul life, as much as it is for couples. For single people this workshop is a good time to review your past relationship history.  To look at what you couldn’t get over and where forgiveness might be needed and some deeper self awareness may be asked for, so you don’t just continue to bring the same defence structures and habits into whatever new relationship you might come into.
 
What we don’t clean up in our family of origin will directly impact in whatever happens in our relationships and lastly there is of course the relationship with yourself and with God. That is actually your primary relationship and whatever goes on in your intimate relationship is always a reflection of what is going on in that primary relationship with God, but mostly this is unconscious. Bringing into the light and inquiring into the state of that relationship brings a whole new awareness into how to liberate our inter-personal connections.